Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Last night was not a very happy night. First of all, I had to drive about 100 miles round trip last night. But on top of that J called me with "good" and "bad" news. And before I go into this, I'm sure y'all will think I'm totally insane for the way I reacted, but I will try to explain everything.

So J's bad news was that he was switching to swing shift (or the 2pm to 10pm shift). Good news was that he didn't have to start that until next Tuesday so he would be able to stay longer at the beach with me this coming weekend. Ok, so this is where I got super upset.

Reason 1, I hate change. A couple of years ago, I had really bad depression. It was at it's absolute worst when something changed. So, even to this day, I know when something changed I have a total melt down.

Reason 2, I am super afraid that we won't get to talk as much. Right now I don't have a job, which is good because I can talk to him during the day when he isn't at work. But even though I don't have a job, I know J likes to sleep in and take naps, so I have a feeling he will sleep in until 10 or 11 in the morning, and basically get up with enough time to eat and get dressed to go to work. So where does that leave time to talk with me. And so then, when I do get a job and I'm working 8am until 4 pm, when are we supposed to talk? Friends have told me it's not that bad and if we are meant to be we will make it through this. My mom even told me this morning that the supposed 6 months he's going to be on this shift will go by so quickly. You know, time flies when you have things to do, but when you sit around the house all day, time doesn't go by so quickly. At least not to me it doesn't.

Reason 3, It didn't seem to bother him any that he is changing shifts. His response was that he knew stuff like this would happen when he signed up, so no use getting upset over it. It seemed like he didn't even care that he would possibly not get to talk to me as much. Like it wasn't even a big deal. I tried to ask what he was really feeling... that was a big fat silence. Maybe he was upset, maybe not. Maybe he was trying to be strong for me, but in that case, why make me feel like such an ass for getting upset?! Like I was getting upset on purpose.

Has anybody else has some change in your mans life that affected you and make you upset? How do you deal with it? What do you do to make it better?

Thanks y'all.

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