The Story I've Been Avoiding

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I've really been avoiding this post. Really, I've been avoiding my blog. Kind of like if I didn't blog about it, then none of it could be real and so it would all just go away. But unfortunately it's not going away.

Before I begin this story, I have to lay out two facts which I find quite embarrassing and I generally don't like to talk about.

1. I still live with my parents.
2. I don't have a job.

So I have to go back to New Years when J and I were supposed to get together but his debit card intervened (you can read the whole story here). My parents were pissed off then and are still pissed off. They have nothing to do with him and won't let me see him. It sounds ridiculous, but remember, I'm still living in their house with no income of my own.

It has been approximately 4 months since I've last seen him. His sister (we will call her Em) and her sons have been dying to see me, so they planned a trip up all the way from the great state of Alabama. They are going to stop and pick J up on the way and then continue up to see me. So I will be getting to see him for 3 days next week (which the lovely parents are unaware of).

Because of not being able to see J, and really no prospect of knowing when I will get to see him, Em invited me to go back down to Alabama with her and live with her for a bit and she would bring me back home. And being the good girl that I am, I wanted to ask my parents first. I mean, I am living under their roof and they are providing for me. But their answer was no. The excuses being that they didn't believe that Em would bring me back; it was a lot of gas money for her to spend. They even said that she shouldn't come now if she could only stay 3 days here. She should wait until the summer where she can stay more time.

With all of this going on, I have been feeling like a failure at life. I've cried about this more times that I can remember or care to recount. I can't find a job in my field, nor have I been able to find a regular job. Plus, I feel like I'm on the strictest house arrest ordered by the court. I want an escape from it all.

I am a semi-religious person. I believe in God, though I don't go to church and rarely read the bible, I still talk to Him. Though mostly I have His ear when I have something bothering me, like now. I really try to be a good daughter. Do the right thing and all. But it is becoming increasingly hard.

The thoughts on my mind mostly now are "running away". Though when you are 22 years old I'm not really sure if running away is a good term, but you get the picture. I'm thinking about going back with Em even though my parents have told me I can't go. But I am such a huge worry wort. What if I run away and my parents won't take me back? How will I get all of my stuff out of the house? What will I do about health insurance? What happens when I run out of the medicine I need for my thyroid?

Out of all of this that has been going on in my life, I've come to realize happiness is truly what should come first in life. And God knows, I'm not happy now. My parents are looking on with a blind eye to my unhappiness and pretending it doesn't even exist. But I'm getting tired of pretending and putting on a not so happy face. I need an escape, a trap door to just escape through. Maybe a rabbit hole, somewhere, anywhere better than here.



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As always, thank you for reading. Especially this one!

5 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. I can't imagine the feelings you have.

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  2. Do your parents do anything else to make you unhappy besides not letting you go to see J? I'm just wondering if that's the worst thing because otherwise you may have a good thing going, especially in your situation. I've been in a similar situation before. I was 21, did NOT live with my parents, and had my own income, but they still would not let me make an 8 hour drive to see my boyfriend who was stationed away with the Marine Corps. I guess I could have gone anyway because they had nothing to hold over my head, but like you, I wanted to be a good daughter. I eventually went later on, but had their reluctant blessing. If you are living in their house and relying on their money, though, it is true that they are able to give you rules, regardless of your age. Is there any hope of you getting your own income and place soon? Good luck with everything!

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  3. Hi! I'm Janelle, and I found your blog while searching for military spouse blogs. I am marrying my Airman next year, and I'm really glad I found your blog! I can't wait to read more! Consider me your newest follower! :)

    Janelle ( http://janelle-and-dan.blogspot.com/ )

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  4. :( So sorry that you are going through a rough time. Hugs!

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  5. Boo! Parents can definitely suck the happiness out of life sometimes. I got married without my parents knowing. Then made plans to move to MD to live with my husband. Basically told them I was doing it, and didn't ask permission. I lived with them but had my own money. It was hard, but I will say they got over it. Regardless of what you do your family will still love you. It may be rough for a bit, but it will eventually get better. I'm not sure how they feel they can control their 22 year old daughter... I understand you live at home, but you are still an adult that can make your own decisions..

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